The Muscle Bitch

Gay men in general are attracted to beautiful things and black gay men are no different. They all lust after the ideal, that symbol of male virility and potency, the guy with the killer body and devil-may-care attitude, the black sculpted Adonis that will make their friends green with envy - the "gym bunny" or most disparagingly known as the Muscle Bitch.

Everyone wants to screw the big muscle boy or muscle man, you know the type, the one who works out everyday sometimes TWICE a day (yeah morning and afternoon and if he didn't have to work to buy the whey protein would also be at the gym at lunchtime too).  In all of Gaydom there is no one more desired, more sough-after and more of a trophy than those who have achieved full physical potential and nothing is really wrong with that except - the attitude that comes with the ones who KNOW it.

But the question that is on your mind is who or what is a Muscle Bitch and how on God's earth can you spot one especially in Church AKA the gym of all places - rest assured because here are the answers to the questions...

Is My Gym Buddy a Muscle Bitch?

The first time I realized that I go to a predominantly gay gym was when I actually took an intermission from my rigorous workout routine and started to take stock of those around me. It is amazing what one discovers when you are able to put things under microscopic scrutiny.

So my story began when I first made it a point to get healthy so I'd been going to the gym regularly every afternoon for a few weeks but every time I go the place is packed and it's hard to find open equipment. Primarily due to the large amount of preening/scoping/ogling/cruising that goes on with the young gay/bi/curious/questioning guys. I thought maybe I'll make the commitment to get up a couple of hours early (6:30) and work out in the morning. Little did I know that the same thing happens in the mornings with the older married gay/bi/curious/questioning guys. Luckily however it's not as many so I get to at least use the equipment but in the process I've come up with 10 signs (things I've seen at my gym) of how to spot a gay/bi/curious/questioning guy at the gym. The next time you're at the gym take this list along and see if you can spot the gay guys at your gym and see if you too go to a gay gym.

1. If the guy spends 20 minutes in the locker room changing into his gym clothes....then he's gay.
2. If the guy is a muscle head but asks another muscle head how a piece of equipment works....then yeah - Muscle Bitch!
3. If the guy wears flip-flops, boat shoes, or dress shoes to the gym....then he's gay.
4. If the guy wears running shorts to workout but never runs on the treadmill, especially if they're in various neon colors....then he's gay.
5. If the guy shows up to the gym at 9:30 and the gym closes at 10....then he's gay.
6. If the guy has to go back to the locker room every 5 minutes because he "forgot" something....then he's gay.
7. If the guy spends more time recuperating from a set than he spent lifting the set, especially if the set was only 20 pounds....then he's gay.
8. If the guy spends 5 minutes working out but heads to the shower as soon as a hot guy finishes working out....then he's not just gay - he's the gym slut!
9. If the guy has the upper body of young Arnold Schwarzenegger but the legs of Olive Oyl (what I call top heavy)....then he's gay.
10. If the guy fails to notice a hot female walk through in spandex & a sports bra, but looks at every male that enters....yes sir - BIG Nelly.

I had long thought that I lost my superficiality at the climax of my twenties and that I was now on the prowl for someone more intellectually and spiritually deep than just plain surface attraction. The truth is what I really want is the total package as the most of the guys who are smart, sweet, honest and witty do NOT take care of themselves physically and if they do - then God help the person who they are seeking to date or worst be in a relationship with. It is shameful to say that I am ONE of those people. I want Mr. "3M" or Mr. Masculine, Muscular and Mature and try as I might - I am too old now to settle...so let the interview with the Muscle Bitches begin...because this employer has realized over time that I might just be the biggest bitch of all.

Always Read The Fine Print

Bromance

I shock alot of people when I tell them that not only is James Cameron my favorite movie director but my favorite movie of all time is the three hour epic Titanic.  Yes people, I saw Titanic 12 times in the theaters when it first came out - hell I wish I had written it.  It really wasn't the cinematography or the fact that James Cameron took a movie and a story that had been done so many times before and made it fresh and relevant - it was really the romance...the timeless love story...the romance that made the story and the movie worthwhile.

In this lifestyle of men who love men the sexual attraction and act of countless, mindless, meaningless sexual encounters are often what is perpetuated and its easier to find a guy to screw than a guy to just chill with and stand still with and who you can be your true self and act goofy.  Chances are when you actually DO find this person he is better off as a friend because the sexual or emotional chemistry is none existent.  Good luck if you can find it all in one package - I have not been so lucky.

I will always remember Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet in this movie and just like "Rose" - I'll never let go.  I will always keep on hoping and believing in "Bromance" - the romance between brothers and hopefully in the not too distant future I will be able to emotionally be ready to actively date again and to find "bromance" in all its glory and then - I will be able to dream again...

Somehow, Someday, Somewhere - they'll be a place for us!

With all this talk about acceptance of our lifestyle and the ongoing battle for equal rights with Gay Marriage, I sometimes wish that Somewhere there was a place for us - someplace like that mythical island of Lesbos where the Lesbians were free to live and love without limits.

Someday however I am sure - we will all be free.  Someday, Someplace, Somewhere there will be a time and a place for us.

Robert at Devon House, Jamaica. West Indies

P1050283, a photo by rikki_jm on Flickr.

Not So Dim is the Sum of Us

"Don't brood. Get on with living and loving. You don't have forever. "
Leo Buscaglia

My very good friend Andy and his wife invited me out to a celebratory dinner tonight at the Dim Sum House in Morrisville, North Carolina and boy am I stuffed.  I am convinced that I must have been an Asian in another life - either that or an indian because I went to Azutra for Indian food today with my Bestfriend Grace and the Goat Curry was absolutely divine.  There is just something about food and great company that not only brings people together communally but lifts the spirits irrespective of life's drama and problems.

I remember when I was 13 and first discovered Sidney Sheldon novels and wanted to read everything that this prolific author ever wrote - I had asked my Grandmother for a Sidney Sheldon novel and she couldn't find one in New Rochelle and instead bought me a novel by New York Times Bestseller Leo Buscaglia entitled "Bus 9 to Paradise". At first my heart sank when the book was presented as this was definitely NOT Sidney Sheldon but after I began to read it - it was one of the best books that I have ever read in my life. 

I remember Mr. Buscaglia having a passion for many things in life and the foremost of them all was for food.  I learned many many things from that book infact more than I could have learned from ANY of Sidney Sheldon's novels and the most important lesson that has stuck with me throughout my life as I know it - was to appreciate everything that life had to offer because in all things laid an experience for one to savor, enjoy and learn from.

The way to a man's heart is TRULY through his stomache so I say thanks to all my friends and to preparers of the many meals that I have so enjoyed in the past and I have yet to devour in the future. Cheers - I'll drink to that.