The Canadian Connection

So I made I made it to Toronto in one piece and I absolutely LOVE this city. For some strange reason I got up at 4a.m. and couldn't get back to sleep (nothing to do with my recent breakup - I am so over that honestly, I need a new word for over). Then I had a hectic day ahead of me prior to getting to Toronto at 6:30p.m my Host Osbourne and our friend Chris came to meet me outside the York Fairmont and then having a delicious dinner followed by a walk downtown Toronto and ice cream at ColdStone. This is truly what the doctor ordered for me to get my head right - I am so looking forward for the long weekend in Toronto - I promise I will NOT be gone this long again...

Shaken, Not Stirred

In love and war, maintain military silence.  You can say more with silence than you can by speaking.  This is a lesson that I had to learn over time and as a good friend once told me, life ALWAYS let you repeat the class until you learn the lesson.  I have been on an emotional roller coaster since the breakup, I have gone from feeling down and depressed, to venting, retaliating and then to anger (I won't share some of the thoughts that crossed my mind - they are shocking and truly out of character to say the least) and hindsight is always twenty twenty. 

But its just interesting how its at the end that you are the most reflective and the signs of structural damage that were staring you in the face are the most pronounced. You saw things, BIG things, things that now made you pause and even want to kick yourself - but being so involved, you chose to ignore them. The lesson learned however is to always, always trust your gut and listen acutely to your instincts - we have them for a reason.  They exist to warn us of danger like a keen and overactive "spider sense". The trick is to LISTEN and not have our hearing impared by lust, emotional sappiness and the fear of ending the relationship too soon without the opportunity for it to appropriately develop.

I had to put these feelings down on paper today so that I could have it written down somewhere for future posterity should in case I lose this lesson. 

And for the Pompous, Self-Serving, Selfish, Emotionally-dead, User and Asshole of a Sham that I was just involved with (I said I was angry, I didn't say I was over it). I hope you one day learn your lesson too, so you can save the next guy the time and effort and allow him to be the "Best Thing you NEVER had." as I was and will continue to be.

I know he is going to reach out in a week or two, maybe a month - I would caution him to do so. Because the guy he is going to run into next is NOT the one that he's been dating the last 10 months - HE doesn't live here anymore.

Happy Trails everyone.

The Mourning After...

It's been a week of lessons and I have to wonder what is the statute of limitations on getting back into the game after a breakup.  For some people its a matter of days, weeks and even months - for me it was minutes and hours. 

Breakup occurred at 12:32p.m and by 1p.m. (I had other calls to return and grab a snack) I had dusted off my old Black Book and had arranged a "date" for after work that evening :-).  Is that "ho-ish" behaviour? hmmmm, I wonder.

Its nonetheless like that scene from the finale of Sex and the City Season Two where Carrie met Big outside the Plaza Hotel (his Engagement Party) and responded that: "your girl is lovely Hubble."  He didn't get it. And my Intelligent Dumbo didn't get it either - but I did. 

Maybe some MEN aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with..

Blame It On Me.

So my heart stopped beating for exactly five minutes at 12:32p.m. today.

The guy I have been seeing since last October 2010 broke up with me, this is someone I had met 5 years ago at a party in New Jersey and we kept in touch over the years and finally decided to date long distance and see what happened. For all in tense and purposes he was perfect - just not perfect for me.

Very few songs capture and define a relationship for me - but Chrisette Michele was dead on the money with this one:

Sometimes you can work it out
Sometimes you can't
Sometimes your forced to watch everything fall apart - it's out of your hands
Sometimes leaving is easy
Sometimes it's aint
Sometimes it hurts to know the loving you had was slowly fading away

Chorus:
You can say whatever you like
As long as we just say goodbye
Blame it on me
Say its my fault
Say that I left you outside in the cold with a broken heart
I really don't care
I ain't crying no more
Say I'm a liar a cheater
Say anything that you want
As long as it's over

I ain't a quitter
I just ain't the type
I tried to see you through
I tried to make it to the finishing line
Oh you thought it was meant to be yeah
I admit so did I
Every once in a while you think you figured it out
Sometimes your not right

Chorus

Yes I love you but I really got to lose you
Freedom is where I want to be
Yes I'll probably always love you
But I'm moving
I got to this for me.

+ + +

I am getting older though or am I just numb? As this breakup hasn't impacted me as all the others did. I love him - I will miss him, but for some reason I feel free.

Lets see how the rest of my life pans out without him in it.

Day one.