Comes The Dawn

After awhile you learn

The subtle difference

Between holding a hand

And chaining a soul.

And you learn

That love does not mean leaning

And company

Does not mean security.

And you begin to learn

That kisses are not contracts

And presents are not promises

And you begin

To accept your defeats

With your head up

And your eyes open.

And learn to build all your roads

On today,

Because tomorrow’s ground

Is always shifting

And is too uncertain for plans,

And futures have

A way of falling down in mid flight.

After awhile you learn

That even sunshine

Burns if you get too much.

So you plant your own garden

And decorate your own soul,

Instead of waiting

For someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn

That you really can endure

That you really are strong,

And you really do have worth.

And you learn and learn...

With every goodbye,

You learn.

The Idea of Me

The Idea of Me


A Poem by Robert Anthony Kerr
© August 2002

Do you love me?
Or do you love the idea of me?
Is it really me that you want?
Or is it we that you want?
Is it essential for you to live with me?
Or survive alone in despair without me?

Know these things
Before you open your mouth and let your tongue
proclaim you a fool.
Or believe it’s ‘aight because of a squeeze of my tool.
Because I’ve been hurt too many times,
Countless times
To let the idea of me,
The thought of me
The want of me
The need of me
The dream of me
Confuse you into confirming to yourself,
the love of me.

I'm more than a face,
A body and a job
Its not about the dimes that jingle
that everyone calls me Bob.
I'm not superficial
but romantic and kind
I ignite all your senses
I leave my past behind
But still,
your mind tells you to STOP.
The heart never listens
So all sanity it drops.
Because you claim you love me.
But you still really don’t know me.
What you really love is...
The idea of me.

So what if you are stationed in the Finance and Alone Department?
I don’t really give a shit, I’ve made too many deposits
And you’ve had too many withdrawals
Bankrupt of any passion you see me with a surveyors eye.
But I need you to excavate me
To drill deep down into my soul
Deep, deep, deep.
And deeper still...
Until you can see the very fabric of me
So put me under microscopic scrutiny
Until you have a map of me.
Lay me flat on a table and trace lines on me.
Extract me, dissect me, weight my emotions pound for pound.
And still…
All you have...
is the idea of me.

You don’t understand me do you?
I can see you exercise patience
Coupled with a little indifference
As your conscience confirms
That all I’m saying to you is true.
But let me break it down for you.
Ending your moments upon moments of
mental anguish,
Physical despair
emotional probing.

What am I to you?
The idea of me?

I, I, I, I, I, I am more than just
A warm body on a cold winter’s night.
The installer of a lightbulb to make your home bright.
The phone call you make from boredom at work
The man you complain to when your brother’s a jerk.
The release you feel when your loins do so ache
The correcting officer at your every mistake
The shoulder you cry on when times get bad
When you so mad
So sad
And then disappear when the world becomes glad.
Is it me you love?
Or the idea of me?

To love me is to hate me.
To desecrate me. . .
To annihilate me
To want to destroy me on occasion.
Given the persuasion
And the varied situations
The complications
Altercations
And every word for every deed
So...again, for the first time and the last time.
Is it me that you love?
Or is it...
the idea of me.

The Fire Beneath My Skin: A Novel

My new novel is in progress guys and I am in the process of fleshing out the characters, drafting the chapter outlines and putting together an introduction.  I am happy to say that the book is pretty much writing itself - will be sharing more as it develops.

The Characters:

Adam Dwight Adler – Has the looks, the body and the lavish midtown Manhattan apartment complete with the six figure job and a harem of potential suitors. Willful, full of ambition and equally imperious he is born to a middle class Jamaican family and has always gotten what he wanted – whether it was good for him or not. But would all his schemes and plans for the future be enough to keep his world from crashing down when he finally comes face to face with the man of his dreams… and his new diagnosis?

Malcolm Dewitt Carter – Was born with a fierce family obligation and was willing to sacrifice his happiness for the success of his siblings and the protection of his mother. Seeking refuge in his religion to suppress the fires burning beneath his skin he finds everything that he has worked for – swiftly and shockingly imperiled. Because for how long can the human spirit deny itself and its own demands before it comes crashing down like high waves against a calm shore?

Steven Jeremiah Jackson is a man’s man who has divorced 3 wives on 2 continents. The owner of a successful chain of gyms and health spas, Steven has managed to cruise along in life on the success of his physical attributes instead of his intelligence. But on a fateful night he meets an high powered judge that will shake his foundations to the core and reveal to Steven that despite the sham of heterosexuality there were more scandalous fires of desire burning deeper beneath his skin.

Rohan Charles Grady III must move from under the iron grasp of his domineering parents to make a way for himself despite their hopes, dreams and expectations. The son of a Fortune 500 CEO and a powerful black U.S. Senator, Rohan knows that it is already difficult to exist in the shadow of his over-achieving parents. But already unable to live up to their expectations can he also tell them that not only is he gay and married but his life partner is white?