Not So Dim is the Sum of Us

"Don't brood. Get on with living and loving. You don't have forever. "
Leo Buscaglia

My very good friend Andy and his wife invited me out to a celebratory dinner tonight at the Dim Sum House in Morrisville, North Carolina and boy am I stuffed.  I am convinced that I must have been an Asian in another life - either that or an indian because I went to Azutra for Indian food today with my Bestfriend Grace and the Goat Curry was absolutely divine.  There is just something about food and great company that not only brings people together communally but lifts the spirits irrespective of life's drama and problems.

I remember when I was 13 and first discovered Sidney Sheldon novels and wanted to read everything that this prolific author ever wrote - I had asked my Grandmother for a Sidney Sheldon novel and she couldn't find one in New Rochelle and instead bought me a novel by New York Times Bestseller Leo Buscaglia entitled "Bus 9 to Paradise". At first my heart sank when the book was presented as this was definitely NOT Sidney Sheldon but after I began to read it - it was one of the best books that I have ever read in my life. 

I remember Mr. Buscaglia having a passion for many things in life and the foremost of them all was for food.  I learned many many things from that book infact more than I could have learned from ANY of Sidney Sheldon's novels and the most important lesson that has stuck with me throughout my life as I know it - was to appreciate everything that life had to offer because in all things laid an experience for one to savor, enjoy and learn from.

The way to a man's heart is TRULY through his stomache so I say thanks to all my friends and to preparers of the many meals that I have so enjoyed in the past and I have yet to devour in the future. Cheers - I'll drink to that.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata

The Trouble With Love Is...

So many troubles, but this song captures them for me when words fail...

I Whip My Hair Back & Forth...

Every now and then you are caught doing something crazy.  Nothing is wrong with that - life is short and we are all entitled to a little madness, whether it is sporadic or deliberate.  What good is life if you can't feel alive?

Dream A Little Dream of Me...

I woke up at 3a.m. this morning from a nightmare.  It was about my ex. I thought that I had dealt with the breakup and had moved on but obviously I really hadn't as my subconscious was apparently still processing something.  Between the time it took to get out of bed and walk downstairs to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water I had began to think about the relationship that just ended and WHY it was still haunting me weeks after both of us had said our respect adieus. I couldn't help but wonder if he was thinking about me like this as well - I doubt it.

I recalled a poem I wrote about my dream of a loving relationship and how that poem and that dream was put into question now because of all things - I was becoming jaded.  What if there was no soul-mate wating for me out there in the great beyond? What if the person I was seeking didn't exist? Or had already been taken? What if I was destined to be alone?  Overwhelmed with questions and not alot of answers I decided to write these thoughts down come the morning, but in the meantime take my ass back to bed which is what I did.

I heard that a Blog is nothiing more than "graffiti with punctuation" so what the hell? I will continue to put my musings down on paper in the hopes that I will have enough material one day for a great novel or at least a very good compilation of short stories - you never know, we always find our lives far more fascinating than the lives of others.

My Dream


I've had a dream, since I was young
Of just how life should be,
But through the years, try as I might,
That dream eluded me.

I dreamed of a life that was filled with bliss;
I dreamed of love and sharing.
I dreamed, imagined and creatively planned
An adventure for two who were caring.

The road to today was paved with the dreams
That slowly got ground to dust.
And I've trudged that road and carried my load
And tried very hard just to adjust.

Each step made me stronger; each test made me wiser,
So on my long walk, I grew,
Till the time was right one magical night,
For the road to make room for two.

Now my brain shouts your name, and your loving reply
Makes a place for you in my heart.
Baby, it cries - so tender, so wise...
Let's make the adventure start!

Together we're blessed with a perfect match,
Something that's bright and new.
It's not too late, so let's create
A life that makes dreams come true.

Comes The Dawn

After awhile you learn

The subtle difference

Between holding a hand

And chaining a soul.

And you learn

That love does not mean leaning

And company

Does not mean security.

And you begin to learn

That kisses are not contracts

And presents are not promises

And you begin

To accept your defeats

With your head up

And your eyes open.

And learn to build all your roads

On today,

Because tomorrow’s ground

Is always shifting

And is too uncertain for plans,

And futures have

A way of falling down in mid flight.

After awhile you learn

That even sunshine

Burns if you get too much.

So you plant your own garden

And decorate your own soul,

Instead of waiting

For someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn

That you really can endure

That you really are strong,

And you really do have worth.

And you learn and learn...

With every goodbye,

You learn.

The Idea of Me

The Idea of Me


A Poem by Robert Anthony Kerr
© August 2002

Do you love me?
Or do you love the idea of me?
Is it really me that you want?
Or is it we that you want?
Is it essential for you to live with me?
Or survive alone in despair without me?

Know these things
Before you open your mouth and let your tongue
proclaim you a fool.
Or believe it’s ‘aight because of a squeeze of my tool.
Because I’ve been hurt too many times,
Countless times
To let the idea of me,
The thought of me
The want of me
The need of me
The dream of me
Confuse you into confirming to yourself,
the love of me.

I'm more than a face,
A body and a job
Its not about the dimes that jingle
that everyone calls me Bob.
I'm not superficial
but romantic and kind
I ignite all your senses
I leave my past behind
But still,
your mind tells you to STOP.
The heart never listens
So all sanity it drops.
Because you claim you love me.
But you still really don’t know me.
What you really love is...
The idea of me.

So what if you are stationed in the Finance and Alone Department?
I don’t really give a shit, I’ve made too many deposits
And you’ve had too many withdrawals
Bankrupt of any passion you see me with a surveyors eye.
But I need you to excavate me
To drill deep down into my soul
Deep, deep, deep.
And deeper still...
Until you can see the very fabric of me
So put me under microscopic scrutiny
Until you have a map of me.
Lay me flat on a table and trace lines on me.
Extract me, dissect me, weight my emotions pound for pound.
And still…
All you have...
is the idea of me.

You don’t understand me do you?
I can see you exercise patience
Coupled with a little indifference
As your conscience confirms
That all I’m saying to you is true.
But let me break it down for you.
Ending your moments upon moments of
mental anguish,
Physical despair
emotional probing.

What am I to you?
The idea of me?

I, I, I, I, I, I am more than just
A warm body on a cold winter’s night.
The installer of a lightbulb to make your home bright.
The phone call you make from boredom at work
The man you complain to when your brother’s a jerk.
The release you feel when your loins do so ache
The correcting officer at your every mistake
The shoulder you cry on when times get bad
When you so mad
So sad
And then disappear when the world becomes glad.
Is it me you love?
Or the idea of me?

To love me is to hate me.
To desecrate me. . .
To annihilate me
To want to destroy me on occasion.
Given the persuasion
And the varied situations
The complications
Altercations
And every word for every deed
So...again, for the first time and the last time.
Is it me that you love?
Or is it...
the idea of me.