The Muscle Bitch

Gay men in general are attracted to beautiful things and black gay men are no different. They all lust after the ideal, that symbol of male virility and potency, the guy with the killer body and devil-may-care attitude, the black sculpted Adonis that will make their friends green with envy - the "gym bunny" or most disparagingly known as the Muscle Bitch.

Everyone wants to screw the big muscle boy or muscle man, you know the type, the one who works out everyday sometimes TWICE a day (yeah morning and afternoon and if he didn't have to work to buy the whey protein would also be at the gym at lunchtime too).  In all of Gaydom there is no one more desired, more sough-after and more of a trophy than those who have achieved full physical potential and nothing is really wrong with that except - the attitude that comes with the ones who KNOW it.

But the question that is on your mind is who or what is a Muscle Bitch and how on God's earth can you spot one especially in Church AKA the gym of all places - rest assured because here are the answers to the questions...

Is My Gym Buddy a Muscle Bitch?

The first time I realized that I go to a predominantly gay gym was when I actually took an intermission from my rigorous workout routine and started to take stock of those around me. It is amazing what one discovers when you are able to put things under microscopic scrutiny.

So my story began when I first made it a point to get healthy so I'd been going to the gym regularly every afternoon for a few weeks but every time I go the place is packed and it's hard to find open equipment. Primarily due to the large amount of preening/scoping/ogling/cruising that goes on with the young gay/bi/curious/questioning guys. I thought maybe I'll make the commitment to get up a couple of hours early (6:30) and work out in the morning. Little did I know that the same thing happens in the mornings with the older married gay/bi/curious/questioning guys. Luckily however it's not as many so I get to at least use the equipment but in the process I've come up with 10 signs (things I've seen at my gym) of how to spot a gay/bi/curious/questioning guy at the gym. The next time you're at the gym take this list along and see if you can spot the gay guys at your gym and see if you too go to a gay gym.

1. If the guy spends 20 minutes in the locker room changing into his gym clothes....then he's gay.
2. If the guy is a muscle head but asks another muscle head how a piece of equipment works....then yeah - Muscle Bitch!
3. If the guy wears flip-flops, boat shoes, or dress shoes to the gym....then he's gay.
4. If the guy wears running shorts to workout but never runs on the treadmill, especially if they're in various neon colors....then he's gay.
5. If the guy shows up to the gym at 9:30 and the gym closes at 10....then he's gay.
6. If the guy has to go back to the locker room every 5 minutes because he "forgot" something....then he's gay.
7. If the guy spends more time recuperating from a set than he spent lifting the set, especially if the set was only 20 pounds....then he's gay.
8. If the guy spends 5 minutes working out but heads to the shower as soon as a hot guy finishes working out....then he's not just gay - he's the gym slut!
9. If the guy has the upper body of young Arnold Schwarzenegger but the legs of Olive Oyl (what I call top heavy)....then he's gay.
10. If the guy fails to notice a hot female walk through in spandex & a sports bra, but looks at every male that enters....yes sir - BIG Nelly.

I had long thought that I lost my superficiality at the climax of my twenties and that I was now on the prowl for someone more intellectually and spiritually deep than just plain surface attraction. The truth is what I really want is the total package as the most of the guys who are smart, sweet, honest and witty do NOT take care of themselves physically and if they do - then God help the person who they are seeking to date or worst be in a relationship with. It is shameful to say that I am ONE of those people. I want Mr. "3M" or Mr. Masculine, Muscular and Mature and try as I might - I am too old now to settle...so let the interview with the Muscle Bitches begin...because this employer has realized over time that I might just be the biggest bitch of all.